


like the stars chase the sun (i will conquer)

by extasiswings



Series: Storms & Saints [3]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Antonia Stark - Freeform, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Women Being Awesome, Women Supporting Women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 12:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4666257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extasiswings/pseuds/extasiswings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a truth, which really should be universally acknowledged, that some people in this world should not have children.</p><p>It’s a truth that Peggy applies to Howard Stark almost as soon as she meets him, and although some things change as the years go by, she never loses that feeling.</p><p>(Sometimes she really hates being right)</p>
            </blockquote>





	like the stars chase the sun (i will conquer)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shuofthewind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuofthewind/gifts).



> Chronologically, this is not the next part of the series, but I was having zero luck planning anything for the next part because this wouldn't leave me alone and shuofthewind is a terrible enabler. 
> 
> Happy Reading!

There is a truth, which really should be universally acknowledged, that some people in this world should not have children.

It’s a truth that Peggy applies to Howard Stark almost as soon as she meets him, and although some things change as the years go by, she never loses that feeling.

(He tells her once during the war that everyone in the world knows the Stark name because of him, that he wants to make sure it’s never forgotten, and even then she knows, because he mentions needing to establish a legacy but doesn’t say anything about wanting)

Peggy misses Howard’s wedding because there’s a crisis—

_(—of course there’s a crisis because it’s SHIELD and it’s been nothing but crisis after crisis from the beginning—)_

—and of the directors qualified to handle it, she’s the one who isn’t getting married.

(She sends Angie instead, with her apologies to Maria, and it really is a shame because she genuinely likes Maria and really hopes Howard doesn’t manage to muck everything up)

Maria Stark is a brilliant woman—

_(—so brilliant and so beautiful that Howard jokes he never stood a chance, but as the years go on, his eyes get harder and the man he was slips further and further away behind a false veneer of charm—)_

—and Angie seems positive she’ll be a wonderful mother, so Peggy holds her tongue about any of her reservations when Howard throws a party to tell the world his wife is pregnant.

(Five months later, when Maria miscarries for the first time, something in Peggy uncurls and hisses at Howard because he may play the part of grieving father well, but there’s relief in his eyes and his voice and she wants to scream at him, but she focuses on Maria instead)

_(—because she’s still brilliant, still beautiful, but her grief is endless and someone should help her since her husband clearly isn’t going to—)_

It takes three pregnancies in total for one to stick, and when Antonia Elizabeth Stark is born, Maria makes Peggy her godmother.

(Howard doesn’t do anything because he leaves the hospital instead of holding his daughter and Peggy’s resolve hardens because she knows already that someone needs to fight for this darling girl, no more than hours old, because her father sure as hell won’t)

(Angie is delighted because they’ll finally have a kid around, at least occasionally, and she loves kids)

_(—Peggy’s always known what a sacrifice it is, and she never takes it for granted, not ever, because if she wanted to be, Angie could easily be married with a family, and yet she’s tied herself to a cynical intelligence agent who she can never openly be with, and gods, she doesn’t understand, but she loves her—)_

Antonia grows up quickly, partly because she’s just so smart, and partly because of her parents. Peggy tries to keep her shielded from the worst of the fights, but she can’t shield her from Howard’s cold shoulder, can’t explain to this darling girl that _it’s not her, it has nothing to do with her and she should never, ever think that._

(She holds her when she cries, though, even when it happens less and less the older she gets, and Peggy knows why because she heard Howard tell her to stop crying once and she knows how easily kids take words to heart)

Peggy reaches her breaking point—the first of many—the year Antonia turns six. Howard decides to restart expeditions to search for Steve and leaves for months on end, and she burns.

_“I would have thought you, of all people, would have wanted him found.”_

_“That’s not fair, Howard. You don’t get to say that to me, not when we both know the only reason you’re going is to justify—“_

_“Justify what, Peggy? Huh? All I’m doing is trying to bring home a man we both cared about. Of course, I suppose you wouldn’t care anymore now that you have your little girlfriend. Maybe you never loved him after all—“_

_—the feel of his nose breaking under her fist makes something in her sing, because once upon a time they may have been friends, but the man in front of her bears no resemblance to anyone she’s ever cared about—_

_“Clean yourself up, sober up, and go home to your family, you bloody drunk. And never, ever, mention Steve Rogers to me again.”_

They don’t speak for a year, but that’s not difficult considering how much of that time he spends away. Peggy continues to see Antonia—

_(—Toni, she wants to be called Toni now, and Peggy thinks it’s cute but also wonders if it’s just another attempt at meeting Howard’s impossible expectations—)_

—and she, Angie, and Jarvis do the best they can.

(When it doesn’t make her angry, it makes her so deeply sad, because Toni is such an incredible child, building engines and guns, repairing cars, and Peggy can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to know this little girl)

_(—sometimes she looks at Antonia and sees the life she might have had with Steve, the children, the house, unconventional but perfect, and Angie is always there when she has those moments, and she always understands that it’s not that Peggy wishes things were different, it’s just that there was a plan for her life that was wiped out in an instant and she’s never not going to miss him—)_

When Toni is seven, Peggy sits her down and tells her what her life is going to be like, because she’s a smart girl and she deserves to be prepared, but she gives advice as well, not wanting to leave Toni with a feeling of empty despair.

_“You don’t owe anyone anything. Not a damn thing. Not ever, do you understand? People may judge you, will judge you, will make assumptions about your capabilities because of your sex, but you have value, my darling. It’s in your mind, in your skills, and no one can take those things from you. Never forget your value, because if you can hold onto that, no one else’s opinions really matter.”_

Peggy clashes with Howard several more times when the Starks are still living in New York. Every time she does, she worries that he’ll try to keep her from Antonia, but he never really does. Of course, then he moves to California and takes his family with him and it becomes much more difficult to stay in touch.

(She manages it though, because Jarvis is still her ally and considering they both would die for the girl, weekly phone calls are easy enough to manage)

The phone calls never stop either, and Peggy always answers, always, because all of them are important whether Toni’s calling to complain about the boys in her science class, or to talk about her day, or to confess in hushed tones that she picked the lock on Howard’s liquor cabinet and dumped the lot down the toilet.

(Toni’s only fifteen the first time she calls in the middle of the night crying because she kissed a boy in her engineering class—just a kiss, her first kiss—and now she’s catcalled everywhere she goes and hears people whisper dirty names after her in the halls, because the rumors he spread were filthy lies and Peggy gets on the first train she can catch to Boston and M.I.T because there’s nothing that can make it better, but that’s not going to stop her from trying)

_(—she also goes the first time Toni realizes she’s attracted to women as well as men because she remembers what that feels like even though it’s been years and she knows it’s just going to be one more strike against her darling girl in the eyes of the world—)_

When Howard and Maria die—

_(—a car crash ostensibly, but Peggy can’t shake the memory of the panic in his voice just two days earlier when he called and said he had to see her, had to talk about SHIELD, because “We messed up, Peg.”—)_

—everyone seems to forget that they weren’t the only ones in the car, and although Peggy doesn’t entirely condone Toni skipping her parent’s funeral, she’s glad to see her at Jarvis’ later the same day because she was not looking forward to being there alone with Angie as her only other ally stuck in New York with pneumonia.

They’re both hurting, but Toni closes off from everyone, even Peggy, so she doesn’t push, doesn’t force her company where it clearly isn’t wanted, because she knows Toni will come to her when she’s ready.

(It takes three years and Angie’s death—cancer, caught too late—for them to see each other again, and this time they grieve together instead of apart)

Peggy’s mind starts to go around Toni’s thirty-fourth birthday, but it’s a slow process, and she’s aware enough to worry herself into the hospital when Toni goes missing a year later and to feel decidedly unsurprised when red and gold armor appears on the news months after that.

(Sometimes, she wakes up with the strangest feeling that she’s seen Steve, but that’s impossible)

After that, she starts to have more bad days than good ones, but whenever she watches the news and sees flickers of red and gold, all she feels is pride.

**Author's Note:**

> There is a possibility I will write something similar from Toni's POV because there are still a few plotbunnies floating around, but since I'm not positive, I'm leaving this as complete for now. 
> 
> Title from "Queen of Peace" by Florence + The Machine


End file.
